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有不少父母在看到近年的育兒資訊，心裡都會有一個矛盾，有些時候我們會擔心太多否定影響孩子身心發展，同時我們又很希望教好孩子，好好處理他們的行為問題。以正面的方式與孩子相處其實沒有想像中那麼困難。我們可以好好利用靜觀的專注現在(here and now)概念，並運用我們與孩子的同理心(empathy and compassion)，讓我們可以用正面的方式改善孩子生活上的行為問題。 不把舊事重提 專注於現在 曾經有媽媽問我，為什麼她與老師都是叫孩子「坐好啲」，老師說的時候，孩子就乖乖聽話，媽媽說的時候，孩子卻容易生氣，又會「博咀」呢? 細問之下，原來其中一大分別就是老師每次只給予孩子當下的提示，但媽媽因為常常見到同一情況，她的提示總會提起過去的情景，例如以「你又來了，我話過你幾多次…」作開頭，與其說是提示，孩子更感受到的是怪責，最後管教變得「事倍功半」。當我們希望給予孩子提示時，我們可以留意一下自己，專注於現在正發生的事情，就可以避免提示變成怪責。 以描述與同理心表達問題所在 相信不少父母都試過因為孩子在街上做出影響到其他人的行為，都不知道應不應該在那麼多人面前開口。怪責孩子，孩子當然會不高興；什麼也不說，又好像講不過去。除了專注現在，這些時候就是我們善用描述與同理心去幫助孩子了解自己做錯了什麼，從而改善的好機會。例如，孩子在等電梯時輕踢牆壁解悶，但又弄髒了地方，與其說「睇下!你又整污糟人地嘅地方啦!」，我們可以對孩子說「依，呢度污糟左，咁樣清潔姨姨會抹得好辛苦呢，你說對不對?」。在這例子中，我們就運用到描述情況，並以同理心與孩子一起了解的技巧，除了聽下去更易為孩子所接受，同時也可以